How to Rebuild Trust After It’s Been Broken in a Relationship

Relationships revolve around trust. Without it, they can become unfulfilling, full of conflict, and a major source of tension and stress for both partners. But if trust is broken, can it be rebuilt?

The good news is that couples can focus on gaining back trust. But it takes time, commitment, and effort on both sides. It may not be easy to accomplish this. However, re-establishing trust can help couples grow close again — and possibly even become stronger than before. 

In the following sections, we’ll discuss different ways that trust can be broken in relationships. We’ll also guide you through the steps involved in rebuilding trust — and let you know what to expect throughout the process. 

Can trust be gained back in a relationship?

Yes! It is possible to rebuild trust, but both partners have to put in the time and effort to work at it. And there needs to be a strong sense of commitment to each other and the common goal throughout this process. 

If only one side is truly willing to put in the hard work to rebuild the relationship — and avoid similar situations in the future — then any efforts will likely fall flat. Just as it takes two to form a relationship, it also takes two to repair and nurture that relationship.

Understanding how trust was broken

Before couples start working on rebuilding trust, they have to know the root cause of trust issues in their relationship. Sometimes, this is simple to identify, such as when a partner physically cheats. 

But in other cases, the root cause may not be as straightforward. Or there might be multiple causes of trust issues. Couples who are having trouble identifying root causes — or dealing with complex issues — may find that working with a couples counselor or therapist is helpful. 

A few common ways that trust can be broken include:

• Lying
• Infidelity (physical and/or emotional)
• Betrayal 
• Lack of transparency 

For example, an individual might break trust if they spend large amounts of money or run up credit card debt without telling their partner. When the partner finds out, they may feel betrayed — resulting in broken trust. 

These situations have an emotional impact on both partners. The betrayed partner might feel resentful, angry, and hurt. The partner who broke trust might feel embarrassed, guilty, depressed, or even fearful about the harm they’ve caused to the relationship. 

Steps to take for rebuilding trust in a relationship

A lack of trust doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. When both partners agree to work on gaining that trust back, the relationship can grow and thrive. But it’s a slow process that takes a lot of work. If both partners are ready to put in the effort, here’s where they can start.

1.  Acknowledge the betrayal 

Couples can’t work on rebuilding trust without openly admitting that it was broken. Both partners need to acknowledge that the betrayal took place. This helps foster accountability and honesty — important aspects of the rebuilding process.  

Both partners also need to fully recognize the impact the betrayal had on their relationship. And they’ll need to have open and honest discussions about the pain that this broken trust has caused. 

2.  Take responsibility and apologize sincerely 

The partner who broke trust needs to take full responsibility for the behaviors that caused this to occur. It’s not enough to admit that it happened — a sincere apology is also needed. 

The betraying partner should offer a genuine, heartfelt apology for the hurt they caused. This is part of being accountable and honest during the rebuilding process. 

The apology shouldn’t involve trying to rationalize or justify the hurtful actions that took place. Instead, the partner who broke trust should apologize for their behavior — and show their partner that they’re committed to not doing it again.

It’s also important for the partner who was hurt to accept the apology and acknowledge their partner’s attempts to rebuild trust. They should also be willing to discuss what might have caused their partner to feel like they had to lie or break trust. These discussions might be uncomfortable — but they’re a necessary part of gaining trust again. 

3.  Allow space and time for healing and forgiveness 

Bringing trust back into a relationship doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that may take a while. Both partners need time to process what they’re feeling and thinking. 

One or both partners may need space and time to emotionally heal. They should avoid trying to push the other partner into discussing what happened if they’re not ready. 

Both partners should be patient and respect each other’s emotional needs before moving forward. 

4.  Be transparent and open moving forward 

When trust is broken in a relationship, the hurt partner may struggle with being able to feel comfortable trusting again. They might constantly worry that their partner is lying to them or hiding something. 

The betraying partner should be fully transparent as they try to rebuild trust. Remaining open and transparent helps encourage their partner to gradually trust them again. 

Likewise, the partner who was hurt should be open and transparent — rather than letting resentment lead to passive-aggressive behavior or other unhelpful behaviors. 

Both partners should avoid keeping secrets from each other while trying to rebuild trust. Instead, they should maintain open communication. This helps each partner learn to have faith in each other again. 

Setting healthy boundaries is part of this process for both partners. For example, the partner who was hurt might set a boundary about the details of the betrayal, especially if it was an affair. They might not want to know or discuss certain details that are too painful for them.  

5.  Demonstrate consistent, trustworthy behavior 

Open, honest communication is just one part of gaining a partner’s trust again. Consistent actions over time can help repair the damage done in a relationship where trust was broken. 

The betraying partner should show their loved one that they can be trusted through their behaviors and actions. The partner who was hurt should also exhibit trustworthy behavior. 

This includes keeping any promises made to each other — otherwise, one partner will have a hard time believing that the other’s efforts at rebuilding trust are sincere. 

Both partners should also follow through on any commitments they make, even small, everyday ones. Being able to do this shows each partner that they’re reliable and trustworthy — and serious about rebuilding their relationship. 

For example, a partner who promises to be home for dinner after work should make sure that they do so.

6.  Seek professional support 

Working things out as a couple might be effective. But in some cases, couples might benefit from meeting with a mental health professional, such as a marriage counselor.

Couples who are dealing with long-term trust issues or a complex situation should consider seeking professional help. Couples therapy may help both partners work on their relationship. But if there are deeper issues that one or both partners are dealing with, individual therapy might be beneficial, too. 

Psychotherapy or talk therapy may help each partner work through issues that might be affecting their relationship, so they can focus on healing. Both couples counseling and individual therapy can support the healing process and allow partners to rebuild trust — paving the way for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. 

Those who decide to seek help should look for licensed therapists who specialize in relationship issues. For example, marriage and family therapists have specialized training in helping clients work through relationship problems.  

7.  Foster emotional intimacy and connection

Feeling distanced from a partner when there’s broken trust is common. After a betrayal, both partners might have a hard time feeling a sense of connection. But they can both work on re-establishing emotional intimacy and reconnecting.

Having this kind of intimacy helps with gaining trust again. In order to do this, both partners will need to find ways to nurture closeness, vulnerability, and understanding. 

Having date nights and open conversations about fears, hopes, and dreams are a couple of ways to accomplish this — as long as both partners remember to always respect each other’s boundaries. 

After a loss of trust, both partners need to heal emotionally. Since these situations have negative impacts on both, providing each other with emotional support is important. Doing this helps couples rebuild the emotional bond they once had. 

How long does it take to fully regain trust?

It’s hard to say how long it will take to fully re-establish trust. In fact, this time can vary widely from couple to couple, depending on different factors, such as how severe the breach of trust was and how strong of a commitment each partner has to rebuilding trust.

So don’t focus on a specific timeframe. Instead, let this process happen gradually and naturally. With consistent effort, time, and transparency, both partners can heal from the emotional wounds. 

Strengthen your relationship with professional support from SonderMind 

There’s hope for rebuilding trust in relationships — even after major betrayals. As long as both partners are on the same page throughout the process and put in the time and effort needed, emotional healing can take place. 

If you’re looking for professional mental health support for you and your partner — or just yourself — SonderMind makes it simple to connect with the right provider. Whether you need a trusted couples counselor, marriage and family therapist, or individual therapist, SonderMind is here to help.

Get started with SonderMind today and start working toward a healthier, stronger relationship.