What If I Don't Like My Therapist?

You've made the decision—taken the leap. You’ve done the research, scheduled the appointment, and walked into your first therapy session with a heart full of hope, ready to unpack the pain you’ve been carrying for years. But what happens when, after a few sessions, you realize you just don’t click with your therapist?

The disappointment can feel like a punch to the gut. It’s a mix of frustration and guilt—a little voice in your head asking, “Is therapy actually going to work for me? Why don’t I feel like I’m making any progress?” The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you. The therapist-client relationship is a unique and deeply personal one. A strong therapeutic alliance, built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect, is one of the most important predictors of success in therapy.

Ashley Ziegler, a therapy client, detailed her experience of finding the right therapist for her: “Unfortunately, the first provider I was matched with wasn’t a great fit. … Between the scheduling conflicts and the lack of connection, I decided to end my relationship with this provider. … With my second provider, the conversation flowed easily, and I could tell within the first 20 minutes of our first session that this was a better fit.”

Without it, even the most skilled therapist can’t help you on your journey toward healing. So, what do you do when the person you’ve entrusted with your mental wellbeing doesn’t feel like a partner in your healing, but a stranger across the room?

Is it discomfort or a bad fit?

First, it's important to distinguish between the natural discomfort that can arise in therapy and a true mismatch. Therapy is based on the relationship between the patient and provider that involves discussing difficult topics and confronting uncomfortable truths. It's normal to feel challenged, anxious, or even resistant at times. This discomfort can be a sign that you're doing the hard work of therapy, pushing past your comfort zone to address core issues. It's the feeling you get when a session leaves you exhausted but also with a sense of a breakthrough.

However, a bad fit feels different. It's a persistent feeling of unease or a lack of connection that doesn't go away. Here are some red flags that your therapist might not be the right fit for you:

• You don't feel heard or understood. Your therapist consistently misinterprets what you're saying, or you feel like they're not fully listening. You might find yourself repeating the same points, feeling like your lived experience isn't being validated.
• You feel judged. Therapy should be a non-judgmental space. If you feel criticized, shamed, or invalidated, this is a major red flag. This can manifest as subtle eye rolls, dismissive comments, or a failure to create an empathetic environment where you feel safe to share your true self. If you feel like you are being judged by your therapist, it’s time to find a new one.
• The therapist's style doesn't align with your needs. Perhaps they are too passive when you need guidance, or too directive when you prefer to lead the conversation. For example, if you're seeking concrete coping strategies for anxiety but your therapist insists on exploring your childhood without offering practical tools, the styles may not be compatible.
• You don't feel a sense of rapport. The connection just isn't there. You might find yourself holding back, unable to fully trust them, or simply feeling a lack of warmth. This can feel like you're talking to a stranger, not a trusted confidant.
• You feel like you're not making progress. While progress isn't always linear, if you've been consistently attending sessions for several months and feel you're stuck in a rut with no forward momentum, it might be time to reassess.
• The therapist is unprofessional. This includes being consistently late, sharing inappropriate personal details, or breaching confidentiality. These are serious ethical violations and a clear sign to find a new therapist.

What to do if you don’t like your therapist

“You’re going to be in a vulnerable position and sharing things with this person,” Traci Williams, a clinical psychologist in Atlanta, shared in an interview with Time Magazine. “The nature of the relationship requires you to feel safe and secure.” Once you've determined that the issue isn't just discomfort but a genuine lack of connection, it's time to take action. This can feel intimidating, but remember that your wellbeing is the top priority. At the end of the day, only you know what feels right—trust that deeper knowing to help you decide your next step.
 

Talk to your therapist directly (if you feel safe to do so)
This might be the most challenging step, but it can also be the most empowering. You can say something like, "I've been feeling like we're not quite on the same page," or "I'm not sure this is the right fit for me." A good therapist will not be offended. They will likely want to explore your concerns and, if a change is needed, will often be able to provide referrals to other professionals who might be a better match. This conversation can be a valuable therapeutic experience in itself, as it's an opportunity to practice direct and assertive communication in a safe setting.

Give it a few more sessions
If you're on the fence and the issues are minor, consider giving it one or two more sessions. Sometimes it takes time to build trust and get into a rhythm. However, if the concerns are significant (like feeling judged or disrespected), don't wait. You’re not required to put yourself through a negative experience just to be polite.

Break up with your therapist and find a new one
You are not obligated to continue with a therapist you don't like. You can end the relationship via email, a phone call, or during a final in-person session. You don't need to provide a detailed explanation if you don't want to. A simple "Thank you for your time, but I've decided to pursue a different path" is perfectly acceptable.

Seek referrals
Ask your current therapist for referrals—or if you're uncomfortable doing that–go back to your original sources: your primary care doctor, insurance provider, or online directories. This time, you can be more specific in your search. For example, you might look for a therapist who specializes in a different modality or approach (e.g., cognitive behavioral therapy vs. psychodynamic therapy). You can also ask for recommendations from trusted friends or support groups.

It’s okay to switch therapists

Switching therapists is not a sign of failure. Just like any other service provider—whether it’s your primary care provider or your massage therapist—you’re not obligated to continue services with them if you don’t believe they're meeting your needs. The goal is to find a trusted partner who can guide you on your path to healing and growth. Don't settle for a relationship that doesn't feel right. Trust your gut. Advocate for your needs. And remember that you deserve a therapeutic alliance that is supportive, respectful, and effective. Your mental health is too important to settle for anything less.