Watch Out For These 23 Therapist Red Flags

“I still remember the first time I sat across from a therapist and felt something I couldn’t quite name—something just a little off,” Catherine shares. “She smiled warmly, nodded in all the right places, and yet, I left the session with a vague sense of disconnection. At first, I blamed myself. Maybe I wasn’t opening up enough. Maybe I expected too much. It took several more sessions—and more unease—for me to realize: the fit wasn’t right.”

If you’ve ever been in therapy, you may know this feeling Catherine is describing. And if you’re seeking it for the first time, you might be surprised by how much the relationship itself matters. You’re not just sharing your story—you’re handing over the rawest parts of yourself, hoping someone will help you make sense of them. That takes immense trust. And when that trust is misplaced, even subtly, it can leave a deeper wound.

Not all discomfort in therapy is a red flag—growth is often uncomfortable. But there are signs worth noticing. Signals that something isn’t working, that a boundary’s been crossed, or that your therapist may not be showing up in the way you need. I’ve learned that recognizing these red flags isn’t about being critical or overly cautious—it’s about protecting the most vulnerable parts of yourself.

These 23 therapist red flags are not indicative of an entire profession, but rather a vital guide to empower you. Think of them not as a checklist for suspicion, but as beacons of awareness, helping you discern when a professional relationship veers off its ethical and effective course.

Building trust with a therapist

1. They skip building trust or rapport: Imagine a doctor rushing straight to surgery without a proper diagnosis or a moment to explain the procedure. Similarly, if your therapist plunges into the depths of your trauma before a foundation of trust is gently laid, it's a jarring, disorienting experience. 
2. They lack empathy: You speak your truth, perhaps haltingly, perhaps with great pain, only to be met with a flat, uncomprehending gaze. Empathy isn't just a soft skill; it's the very conduit through which connection flows. Without it, your vulnerability hangs in an isolating void.
3. They act unprofessionally: Therapy exists in a realm of professional boundaries. When a therapist's demeanor—from inappropriate attire to a perpetually chaotic office, an overly casual, or even intimate, tone—blurs these lines, it can subtly erode the serious purpose of your sessions. This isn't about rigid formality, but about respect for the space and your healing process.
4. They are judgmental or critical: You seek a sanctuary from judgment, only to find it lurking where acceptance should be. A therapist's role is to illuminate, not to condemn. If you feel their personal biases are coloring their interpretations of your life, the space becomes tainted, and authentic self-expression withers.
5. They engage in non-therapy activities: The therapeutic hour is sacrosanct. Any request for personal favors, suggestive remarks, inappropriate physical contact, or attempts to socialize outside of the professional context are not just therapist red flags—they are definitive breaches of ethics and trust. This relationship is singular, devoted solely to your mental health.
6. They lack confidence: While humility is a virtue, a consistent lack of conviction in a therapist's voice or approach can be unsettling. You are entrusting them with profound parts of yourself; you need to feel that they are anchored in their expertise and confident in their ability to guide.

Communication woes with a therapist

1. They talk too much or not at all: A therapeutic session should be a delicate dance of dialogue. If your therapist dominates the conversation, lecturing rather than listening, or conversely, sits in a prolonged, unhelpful silence, the balance is lost. Your voice should be the primary instrument in this unique orchestra.
2. They give unsolicited advice: It's a common misconception that therapists tell you how to live. A truly effective therapist doesn't hand you a rigid roadmap; they equip you with the compass to navigate your own terrain. If they dictate your life choices, they are overstepping their fundamental role.
3. They share confidential information: This isn't just an ethical nicety; it's a legal cornerstone. The details of your sessions are a sacred trust, protected by laws such as HIPAA. Any hint that this seal is broken—whether by discussing other clients or revealing your information without explicit, life-threatening cause—is an immediate and unforgivable betrayal.
4. They seem bored or uninterested: There's a subtle but palpable difference between quiet reflection and outright disinterest. A therapist who is constantly distracted, frequently late, or shows clear signs of boredom (such as the wandering eye or incessant note-doodling) communicates a profound lack of engagement, leaving you feeling unheard and devalued.
5. They avoid admitting mistakes or accepting feedback: No one is infallible, not even a therapist. If your feedback is met with defensiveness, personal offense, or an inability to admit a mistake, it stifles the crucial meta-communication about the therapeutic process itself. A good therapist is a mature, self-aware professional.
6. They talk in technical or academic language: Highly educated they may be, but if your therapist speaks in a language that requires a dictionary of psychological terms, they are failing to communicate effectively. Therapy should clarify, not obfuscate, ensuring you fully grasp the insights shared.

Ethical concerns about a therapist

1. They end sessions without actionable takeaways: Talk therapy is powerful, but it shouldn't just be talk. If sessions consistently end without any discernible insights, tools, or actionable steps to carry into your daily life, it's like building a house with no doors or windows—the structure exists, but it's not truly functional.
2. They fail to explain when therapy is no longer needed: Therapy isn't meant to be perpetual without direction. An ethical therapist discusses goals, measures progress, and ultimately helps you discern when the therapeutic relationship has served its purpose, rather than fostering indefinite reliance.
3. They make promises or guarantees: Life is inherently unpredictable, and so is the path of healing. A therapist who promises specific outcomes or timelines is peddling false hope. True support lies in honest guidance through uncertainty, not in unrealistic assurances.
4. They answer phone calls during sessions: Your session is your protected time. A therapist who takes calls, texts, or otherwise engages with the outside world during your appointment demonstrates a profound lack of respect for your boundaries and the importance of your dedicated hour.
5. They show insensitivity to your culture, religion, orientation, race, age, etc.: Your identity—your culture, religion, orientation, race, age—is interwoven with your experiences. A therapist who dismisses, misunderstands, or is overtly insensitive to these foundational aspects of who you are cannot truly meet you where you are, hindering deep healing.
6. They use different therapy methods without your permission: Therapy involves various modalities, but any change in approach should be a collaborative decision. If a therapist introduces new techniques without explanation or your informed consent, it undermines your autonomy and the collaborative nature of the work.
7. They seem overwhelmed: While therapists are human, their personal struggles should not visibly impact your session. Signs of chronic overwhelm or burnout on their part can inadvertently burden you, making you feel as though your challenges are too much for anyone to bear.
8. They forget basic details: Forgetting key details about your life, your family, or your previously discussed goals indicates a concerning lack of attention and engagement. It communicates that your story isn't being held with the care and focus it deserves.
9. They support harmful decisions: A therapist's role is to guide you towards healthier patterns, not to validate or praise behaviors that are self-destructive or harmful to others. While compassion is key, ethical boundaries require them to challenge, not endorse, detrimental choices.
10. They fall asleep: This is perhaps the most glaring and unambiguous red flag. No matter the reason—fatigue, boredom, or distraction—a therapist falling asleep during your session is an absolute abdication of their professional responsibility and a profound disrespect.
11. They keep telling you they’re right for you: A truly ethical therapist doesn't need to tirelessly convince you of their credentials or indispensability. Their focus should be on your progress. If they sense the fit isn't right, a good therapist will prioritize your well-being by discussing alternative resources or referrals, rather than clinging to the relationship.

Therapy should feel safe—and safe to question

The decision to seek therapy is an investment in yourself, a powerful commitment to growth. Recognizing therapist red flags means staying attuned to your needs and boundaries, especially when you’re in a space meant for healing. You have the right to a therapeutic relationship built on trust, respect, and competence. If any of these concerns arise, trust your instincts. Speaking up, asking questions, or, if necessary, seeking a different therapist, isn't a failure—it's an act of profound self-advocacy. Your healing journey is too important to navigate with anything less than exceptional support.

If you are exploring options for mental health support and seeking a licensed professional who embodies these qualities, platforms like SonderMind can help connect you with therapists who align with your needs and foster a truly beneficial therapeutic relationship.