7 Tips for Building a Strong Relationship with Your Therapist

SonderMind
Medically reviewed by: Wendy Rasmussen, PhD
Tuesday, January 21

Your therapist is there to help you set and work on achieving therapy goals for improved mental well-being. But this requires trust and a strong bond or therapeutic alliance between you and your therapist. 

If you’re having trouble trusting your therapist, exploring possible reasons why can be helpful. You can also take steps to try and build trust in order to strengthen your relationship. 

Below, we’ll discuss what the therapeutic alliance is and why it’s so important. We’ll also focus on how to trust your therapist and how to build a better bond with them for more effective therapy. 

What is the therapeutic alliance?

The therapeutic alliance refers to the working or collaborative relationship you have with your therapist. This alliance needs trust, empathy, and mutual goals in order to be successful. 

Without these elements, you might find yourself at odds with your therapist over what goals to work toward or how to work on them. Or you might have a hard time opening up and confiding in your therapist due to a lack of trust. 

The therapeutic alliance is a key part of effective psychotherapy. In fact, research shows that clients achieve better outcomes when they have a strong relationship with their therapist. 

Why do I find it hard to trust my therapist?

Some individuals find it difficult to trust their therapist for various reasons. Being able to pinpoint why you’re struggling with this can help you work on addressing your concerns — leading to an enhanced and more effective therapeutic process.

So, why do clients sometimes have a hard time trusting their therapist? Having negative experiences with a previous therapist or other mental health professional might result in trust issues with a current therapist. Past experiences, such as being betrayed by a family member or friend, might also make it hard to trust others in general. 

Some people have a fear of being vulnerable with others or a fear of judgment. Others have unmet expectations that make it difficult to trust therapists and the therapy process. 

Steps to take if you’re having trouble trusting your therapist

Trust between you and your therapist isn’t an automatic process or a guarantee. It can take work, especially if you’re having difficulty with this. In the following sections, we’ll provide some tips for what to do if you’re struggling to trust your therapist. 

1.  Acknowledge your feelings 

Your feelings are valid. You might be dealing with trust issues due to past experiences, a fear of being vulnerable, or other reasons — and that’s okay! Being able to acknowledge and accept what you’re feeling is a powerful first step toward addressing this issue. 

2.  Communicate openly 

Don’t be afraid to bring up your trust issues with your therapist. In fact, discussing your concerns with them directly can be helpful. Mental health professionals are trained to handle this kind of feedback.

Opening up about your trust issues allows your therapist to adjust their approach or explore other ways to help you feel safer. Remember that they understand how important trust is for the therapeutic alliance and effective therapeutic outcomes.  

3.  Clarify expectations 

Having unmet expectations can make it difficult to trust therapists. Clarifying these ahead of time can help alleviate your concerns and build a stronger foundation for trust. 

Ask your therapist about the therapy process, so you’ll have an idea of what to expect. And don’t be afraid to ask about other details as well, such as confidentiality and the type of therapy they use. The more you understand about the process, the better you can build a strong foundation for trust 

4.  Give yourself time 

You don’t have to trust your therapist right away. Give yourself a chance to gradually open up to your therapist over time as your trust in them grows. As you become more comfortable with your therapist and the therapy process, you may find it easier to trust and confide in them. 

5.  Evaluate the therapist’s actions 

Take notice of how your therapist acts during your sessions, and watch for red flags. Are they consistent, reliable, and empathetic? These are important qualities that help promote trust and strengthen the therapeutic relationship.  

Your therapist should also maintain clear boundaries with you, such as not pushing you to discuss something you’re not ready to talk about. A good therapist offers positive, steady interactions over time that help foster trust. 

6.  Explore past trust issues 

Past experiences may be affecting your ability to trust your therapist. This can include experiences with family, friends, or other healthcare professionals and clinicians. Exploring this possibility in therapy can help your therapist better understand your needs and make adjustments to your treatment approach.

It’s also a great starting point that your therapist can use to help you address and resolve any underlying issues that are making it hard to build trust. 

7.  Ask questions about their approach 

Therapists and other mental health professionals use a variety of techniques and methods to help clients achieve their goals, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). If you’re unsure about the treatment plan your therapist is using, ask them about it. 

For example, you might ask how a certain technique works and why your therapist is using it. Asking questions helps clarify their approach and allows you to better understand the intent behind each method or technique they use.

Tips for building a strong relationship with your therapist 

You may be struggling to trust your therapist now, but you can always take steps to help improve your relationship with them. The following are some helpful tips to use in order to make the therapeutic alliance stronger — and therapy more effective.

Speak up and ask your therapist questions 

To make sure a therapist is the right fit for you, it’s helpful to know the right questions to ask your therapist regarding their experience, approach, and availability. 

But questions aren’t just for the beginning of therapy. You can ask questions throughout all of your therapy sessions — whether it’s to get clarity on an assignment from your therapist, what to do in between your sessions, or to get a better understanding of why you may be feeling a certain way. 

Getting answers from your therapist on things you’re confused about or want to understand better is crucial to building a strong relationship with them and achieving your therapy goals. So be as open and honest as possible. There are no silly questions in therapy. 

Respect each other’s boundaries

Having boundaries in place helps create a safe space for therapy sessions. Just remember that respect for these boundaries goes both ways. 

Different types of boundaries should be set, such as emotional and physical boundaries. For example, you and your therapist should maintain a professional relationship that doesn’t become a romantic one or a friendship. 

Your therapist should avoid oversharing personal experiences or pressuring you to explore issues or experiences you’re not comfortable discussing. If you have concerns about boundaries, bring them up with your therapist. 

Have your appointments in a private place

Therapy sessions should always take place in private — whether they’re in person, on the phone, or through video. While in-person therapy sessions typically take place in your therapist’s office, finding a private space for video or phone sessions can be more challenging. 

Look for places you feel comfortable in and that are quiet and free from distractions and people. It could be a private room at your home or in your parked car. You can use headphones for extra privacy, too. 

Therapy sessions should never take place in a public setting, so if you’re having a hard time finding a private space to talk to your therapist, let them know. They can help you find a comfortable place that works for you. 

Respect you and your therapist’s time

Therapy sessions have limited times, such as 30 or 60 minutes, so it’s important to show up on time. You should also end each session on time, even if you have more to discuss. If you’re feeling like you’re not making progress, talk to your therapist. They can make adjustments to help you make the most of your therapy sessions. 

Connect with a trustworthy therapist with SonderMind 

Taking steps to build more trust and a better relationship with your therapist can result in better therapy outcomes — and improved mental health. But it’s not always easy to find a mental health professional that you feel comfortable with. 

SonderMind can connect you with the right therapist who best fits your needs, making it easier for you to build a trusting relationship for personal growth and better mental health. 

Get started with SonderMind today to begin your therapy journey.

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