Am I in Love with My Therapist, or is it Transference?

The intimacy of the therapeutic space is a double-edged sword. It is there, in the quiet of a session, that a client unburdens themselves of their most guarded thoughts and finds a consistent, nonjudgmental presence. This unique and powerful bond is the crucible of healing, but it can also be a source of profound confusion. What happens when the trust a client places in their therapist blossoms into something that feels like romantic love? 

The question, “Am I in love with my therapist?” is a silent epidemic of the consulting room—an intense emotional experience that is both normal and, if mishandled, potentially dangerous. This is not a story of professional misconduct, but of a core psychological phenomenon known as transference. It’s a moment when the therapeutic process lays bare the heart’s deepest yearnings, and understanding it is the key to turning a bewildering emotional crisis into an opportunity for authentic growth.

What is transference in therapy?

The romantic feelings you might have for your therapist have a name: transference. This is a psychological term for when you unconsciously move feelings from an important person in your past—like a parent, a former partner, or a close friend—onto your therapist. They can be romantic, or not. The key point is that the feelings you have for your therapist aren't really about your therapist.

For example, if you grew up with a parent who was always there for you, you might feel a deep sense of trust and comfort with your therapist. If you had a parent who was emotionally distant, you might feel especially drawn to a therapist who gives you the care you’ve always wanted. The feelings you have, like a crush or even romantic love, are a way for your brain to work through old feelings in a safe environment.

“Know that it’s normal that transference happens between you and your therapist,” says licensed professional counselor and founder of OpenCounseling Mark Pines, “and it’s actually desirable.”A study in the Journal of Cognitive and Behavioral Practice found that a lot of people in therapy—about one-third of clients—have felt some kind of romantic feeling toward their therapist. This isn’t necessarily a problem though. It may just mean you feel safe enough to bring up old feelings and deal with them.

The viral story about transference and why it hit home

TikToker Kindra Hilty released a 20-something-part series about falling in love with her psychiatrist that sparked a debate online. In her story, she explained how her psychiatrist allegedly crossed professional lines—making her feel like they had a special connection and leading her on even after she expressed her feelings for him multiple times. She even detailed an explicit dream involving the two of them, and hinted at sending risque photos to the psychiatrist.

For many people, a therapist is the first person who has ever truly listened to them without judgment. They offer a safe space to be vulnerable and help you work through your deepest problems. It’s a very intimate and special kind of relationship. When you have this kind of connection, it’s easy for your feelings to get confused. Her story gave a voice to this confusing experience and showed people that it’s okay to have these feelings, even if they don't know what to do about them. 

The professional code of ethics in psychology explicitly states that therapists should not enter into romantic or sexual relationships with current or former clients. When a therapist allegedly encourages a client's transference and makes them feel like the feelings are mutual, it's a serious ethical violation. It can harm the client and cause them emotional distress and confusion. Hilty's story, while only one side of the experience, serves as a powerful cautionary tale about the misuse of power and the ethical responsibility of therapists to handle transference with the utmost care.

If you’re asking yourself: "Am I in love with my therapist?"

It’s a familiar question: is this real love, or something else masquerading as it? The distinction often lies in symmetry. Love, at least as we imagine it outside the consulting room, is reciprocal. Two people stand on equal ground, fully seen in their flaws as much as their virtues.

Therapy, by design, is different. The relationship is asymmetrical. You glimpse your therapist through a narrow lens—their role, their training, their practiced care. What you don’t see are the messier contours of their personal life. They are not your partner or your confidant in the ordinary sense; they are a professional presence, steady and boundaried.

And yet the feelings that arise are real, if not what they seem. Clients often mistake the warmth and safety of therapy for romance, but what they’re drawn to is less the person than the experience: being listened to, validated, understood. What feels like love is often a longing for that atmosphere of attunement.

Recognizing this difference matters. It reframes the emotion not as a false start toward intimacy, but as a revealing signal—an echo of past needs, unmet longings, or a hunger for connection.

What to do if you're falling for your therapist

Believe it or not, the best thing you can do if you're thinking, "I'm in love with my therapist," is to talk to them about it. This can feel scary, but the therapy room is a safe place for all of your feelings. It's a sign of a strong, trusting relationship that you feel comfortable bringing this up.

Here’s why it’s so important to talk about it:

• It can be an important opportunity for growth: Talking about these feelings may offer insight into your past relationships and what you hope for in future ones. It might also highlight what you feel is missing and suggest ways to seek it in healthier spaces outside of therapy.
• It can serve as a test of the relationship: A thoughtful therapist will often approach this kind of conversation with professionalism and care. Ideally, they won’t respond with judgment, and their reaction may help you gauge whether you can trust them and feel supported.
• It may ease feelings of shame: Naming these emotions out loud can sometimes lessen embarrassment or shame. Over time, you might begin to see them less as something to hide and more as a natural part of the healing process.

Beyond the crush

Your feelings of attraction to your therapist aren't a mistake or a setback. They're actually a sign that you're making real progress. These feelings mean you are building a trusting relationship with your therapist, which is the foundation of all good therapy.

By working through these feelings, you’re not just getting over a crush. You're learning about yourself on a deep level. You're discovering old patterns and learning how to build healthier connections in the future. The feelings you have in therapy are a chance to practice self-love and to eventually find a real, two-way relationship in your life that is healthy and fulfilling.