School Shootings: Explaining the Unexplainable to My Kids

As a parent, there’s nothing more natural than wanting to keep our children safe. But in today’s world, sending our kids off to school each morning can feel like an act of faith. We pack their lunches, check their backpacks, remind them to be kind, and in the back of our minds, there’s that lingering worry about something we never had to think about when we were kids: school shootings.

Living in Colorado, the shadow of Columbine is never far away. At the time, none of us could have imagined that it would mark a turning point in American history. Back then, it was unthinkable. Now, decades later, our children are growing up in a very different reality. Active shooter drills are as common as fire drills. The innocence of simply going to school, something that should feel safe and routine, is complicated by a layer of fear that we as parents are left to carry. And the latest tragedy of the Evergreen, CO school shooting is just another example of how this fear maintains a life source.

The weight of anxiety as a parent

Parenting has always come with its share of worry, but this is something new to me, as a parent of young kids. It's the kind of worry that gnaws at you because it's largely out of your control. You can teach your child kindness, respect, and resilience. You can encourage them to study hard and make good choices. But you cannot control what happens in the hallways and classrooms once they walk through those school doors.

That lack of control fuels anxiety for so many parents. It's not just about the “what ifs” that play on repeat in our heads, but also about how we help our kids navigate a world where safety is not guaranteed. We put on a brave face, but deep down, many of us are struggling with the same questions: How do I send my child into an environment where violence is still a possibility? How do I prepare them without terrifying them?

I sometimes catch myself watching my kids walk into school and thinking about how simple those moments should feel. For them, It's about meeting friends, tackling math problems, or running around at recess. For me, It's about managing the quiet fear that creeps in, and reminding myself not to let that fear take away the joy of watching them grow.

How to talk to your kids about school shootings

The truth is, our kids are growing up with a different baseline of awareness than we did. They participate in lockdown drills at a young age. They know what it means to stay quiet in a classroom corner or to quickly exit a building if needed. As parents, we face the delicate balance of wanting to protect their innocence while also preparing them for reality.

We reassure them: “You don't need to worry. You are safe. Your teachers know what to do.” However, at the same time, we cannot ignore our responsibility to ensure they are aware. It's heartbreaking to watch children carry these heavy topics at such a young age. Yet, equipping them with knowledge and emotional tools becomes part of our role as parents.

Here are some reminders when it comes to having this conversation:

• Start with what they know: Ask open-ended questions, such as “What have you heard about what happened?” or “How do you feel during drills at school?” to understand their perspective before providing information.
• Keep it age-appropriate: Use simple, honest language for younger kids, focusing on safety (“Your teachers know what to do to keep you safe”), and more context for older kids or teens.
• Reassure safety without dismissing feelings: Acknowledge their fear (“I know it can feel scary”) while reinforcing the safeguards in place (“Your school has plans and adults trained to help”).
• Normalize their emotions: Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, worried, or confused. Remind them they’re not alone in those feelings.
• Highlight helpers: Point out that teachers, police officers, and community members are working hard to keep schools safe, which can give kids a sense of security.
• Create space for ongoing conversations: Treat it as an ongoing dialogue—small talks in the car, before bed, or after school drills—rather than a single heavy conversation.
• Encourage coping tools: Suggest ways to manage worry, such as drawing, journaling, practicing breathing exercises, or talking to a trusted adult.
• Set boundaries with media: Limit their exposure to graphic or repeated news coverage, and check in about what they might see on social media.
• Let them ask questions—again and again: Be prepared to revisit the topic. Kids often circle back as they process, and your consistent presence matters more than having perfect answers.

For many of us, those conversations happen in pieces. A quick talk in the car before drop-off. A bedtime check-in after a drill at school. Sometimes our kids ask questions we are not fully prepared to answer, and we do our best to meet them with honesty that feels appropriate for their age. It's a constant balancing act, shielding them just enough while also empowering them to feel prepared. Not powerless.

Why community is the anchor in uncertain times

If there is one thing that helps, it's leaning on your community. Talking with other parents, sharing our concerns, and realizing we are all in the same boat can be grounding. None of us has the perfect answers, but there is comfort in knowing we are not alone in the struggle.

When we gather at school events, sports games, or even just over coffee, the topic inevitably comes up. We exchange thoughts on how we have handled conversations with our kids, how our schools approach safety, and how we personally manage our own anxiety. While it does not make the problem go away, it lightens the weight when we know others are carrying it alongside us.

Parent groups, school networks, faith communities, and even informal friendships can provide a space where we process our fears and find support. In these conversations, there is often a shared understanding: while we cannot control everything, we can at least walk through it together.

How school shootings can impact a child’s mental health

As parents, we not only carry the responsibility of preparing our kids for the outside world but also pay close attention to what is happening inside. But it's not always easy. Kids don't always want to open up, and sometimes their struggles manifest in subtle ways—such as changes in mood, declining grades, or withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed. As parents, noticing those shifts and creating safe spaces for conversation is critical.

Psychologist and medical director of outpatient mental health services at Children’s Minnesota Sarah Jerstad says, “If something like a school shooting has occurred and kids have been talking about it, these changes may be related to fear. What we know about fear and anxiety is that when we avoid that feared situation for a long time, it can become more difficult to re-enter those situations. As scary as it might feel to go to school, it is essential for children. Parents need to support them in this process.”

Being proactive about mental health, both for ourselves and for our children, is crucial. Therapy can play an important role here, giving parents a space to process their own anxieties while also learning how to better support their kids. It's not about having all the answers but about having tools to cope, to communicate, and to create resilience in our families.

Every time news breaks of another school tragedy, my heart aches for the parents directly impacted. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of their grief and loss, but I empathize deeply. Their experiences are the nightmares we all hope never to face. And yet, they remind us of why these conversations matter, why our anxiety is not unfounded, and why we must continue to support one another.

Finding strength in the midst of fear

I find myself holding my kids a little tighter on those days. I remind myself to be present, to listen more closely, and not to take the ordinary moments for granted. It's a sobering reminder that nothing is guaranteed and that our time with our children is precious.

As parents, we don't get the luxury of ignoring these realities. Each morning, we send our kids out the door with a mixture of pride and hope, and yes, a layer of fear. We hope their day is filled with learning, laughter, and friendship. We hope the systems in place keep them safe. And we hope, more than anything, that someday this fear will become a relic of the past, rather than a part of daily life.

In the meantime, we lean on each other. We talk with our children. We keep an eye on their emotional well-being, as well as our own. We find strength in small ways, in a neighbor who understands, in a teacher who goes above and beyond, in a community that refuses to give up on hope.

Parenthood has always been about carrying both love and fear simultaneously. In this season, the fear feels heavier, but the love gives us the courage to keep going.