Yes, That Therapist Exists: A Guide to Finding LGBTQ+ Affirming Mental Health Care

In a world where identity shapes our experiences, the simple act of seeking mental health care can become a fraught negotiation for LGBTQ+ individuals. The right therapist—not merely tolerant, but actively affirming—can feel like a myth whispered about in group chats and TikTok comment threads. But yes, that therapist exists. Finding them, however, often requires more than a Google search and a good insurance plan. It demands navigation of coded language, cultural competence, and a system that still treats LGBTQ+ affirming care as niche rather than necessary.

Maybe you’ve tried therapy before and left feeling unseen. Maybe you haven’t tried yet, but are thinking about it now. You might be wondering: “Will they understand me? Will I have to explain myself? Will I have to defend who I am?” 

You are not alone if you find this overwhelming. Queer people already live in a world that constantly requires you to justify your existence. Therapy should not be another space where you have to explain your pronouns, identities, or relationships. Especially not to someone who is being paid to help you heal.

Asking for help is a courageous act. Finding a therapist who truly sees all of you for who you are can make all the difference. 

This kind of care exists, and you deserve it. And if you’re not sure where to start, you’re in the right place.

Why queer mental health matters

Finding an affirming therapist isn’t just about having a better experience in the therapy room. Instead, it’s about getting care that actually works for you. When you feel safe and seen, you can show up more fully. When your therapist understands your identity, they can personalize their approach to what fits your life and needs most. That’s where the real healing happens. Affirming care isn’t just supportive, it’s life-saving.

What an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist feels like

What does a queer-affirming therapist look like? More importantly, let’s think about what a queer-affirming therapist feels like. What’s it like to sit with someone who really gets it? 

Imagine a space where…

• You don’t have to explain every detail about your identity to be understood (No more teaching Gender & Sexuality 101. You should be the one getting paid for that at this point!)
• You don’t have to censor parts of yourself. (No more being vague about your partner’s pronouns. No more bracing before you speak. No more blank stares.
• Your therapist understands that queerness is not a problem to be solved. They understand the pain that stems from systems of oppression, in addition to the strength and resilience throughout LGBTQ+ history.
• Your therapist understands that your experience as a queer person may differ based on your other identities, such as your race, ethnicity, religion, or socioeconomic status

They won’t be perfect (no therapist is), but they’ll be open to listening and learning when they don’t get it right. 

An affirming therapist doesn’t just tolerate you—they affirm you. They see you. And when you’re seen, you can begin to heal.

How to find an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist

It’s ok to not know where to start. Finding a therapist is hard enough. Finding one who is affirming can be even harder. Once you’ve decided that you want to try to find a therapist, the next step is finding the right fit. 

Start your search by checking directories. If you’re using your insurance, this could be a list through your insurance network. You can also look at public directories, like SonderMind. 

As you review profiles, look out for “green flags.”

• Filters for LGBTQ+ support. Some directories offer filtering or searching by specialty area. Check for filters or keywords like “LGBTQ+,” “LGBTQ+-affirming,” “gender-affirming,” “trans-affirming”, “LGBTQ therapist near me”
• Bios that resonate with you. Do any therapist bios mention any lived experience, work experience, or specific training in sexual identity or gender identity?
• Affirming signals. Do the providers have any indicators that are affirming, such as listing their own pronouns, certifications, allyship statements, or identity flags?

You don’t need to find the perfect person right away, just someone who feels promising. 

What to ask in a consultation or first session

You reached out to the therapist for a consultation or scheduled the initial session. First of all, take a moment to recognize how huge that is. That step takes incredible courage and bravery. 

At the same time, it’s okay to have questions for a potential therapist, especially when you’re trying to find the right fit.

Here are a few questions you might consider:

• How long have you been working with LGBTQ+ therapy clients?
• What kind of training do you have in working with the queer and trans community?
• What’s your typical approach like for working with the LGBTQ+ community?
• Do you have experience working with insert your identity/topic here (e.g., individuals who are non-monogamous, questioning, trans)?

There’s no right or wrong question. Remember, you deserve to find the right fit. You’re allowed to take up space in this process.

What if you’ve been burned before?

If you’ve tried therapy before and left feeling smaller than when you walked in, you’re not alone. 

Sometimes the space that’s meant to be healing can hurt instead. You might have experienced the blank stares, judgment, or subtle invalidation. You might have walked away feeling like you were “too much” or “too complicated.” That doesn’t mean therapy can’t help; it means you didn’t get the right fit, and you deserve a better match. And a better match is possible.

There is still room for hope and healing. And it’s okay to take your time cautiously finding it again.

I found a therapist… now what?

It’s okay not to know where to start or where to begin. Maybe you’re not ready to talk about your sexuality or gender identity. That’s okay too. Your therapist should meet you where you are, instead of trying to take you somewhere you’re not quite ready to go. 

In fact, it’s normal to feel guarded or unsure, especially if your identity has been misunderstood in the past. In therapy, you get to bring in your stories at your own pace. It takes time to build trust. 

You deserve to be seen

You deserve to be more than just “tolerated.” You’re not asking for too much by looking for a therapist who honors who you are and respects your identities. 

Being queer or trans in this world is already hard. Therapy shouldn’t be. You deserve to feel seen—and not just for your pain—but for your wholeness. And with the right kind of support, that kind of healing is possible.