How to Deal With Guilt and Regret: 8 Tips for Forgiving Yourself

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. For many people, these incidents can end up causing feelings of guilt or regret. Although these are common feelings, it doesn’t mean we have to live with them permanently or allow them to negatively impact our lives.

If you experience guilt and regret, these emotions can end up affecting your mental well-being. Being able to forgive yourself can help resolve these issues — but where do you start?   

We’ll walk you through several ways to handle these feelings and let you know what signs may indicate it’s time to seek professional help. But first, we’ll explore the concept of self-forgiveness — and why it’s so important for your well-being. 

Defining self-forgiveness

Forgiving yourself means being willing to accept your mistakes and work on moving past them, so you can get on with your life. Self-forgiveness may sound simple and straightforward in theory — but it’s often difficult to do. In fact, you might find it harder to forgive yourself than to forgive others who have wronged you.

Self-forgiveness involves taking responsibility for past wrongs or mistakes, expressing remorse for those actions, and making amends if possible. It also involves treating these as learning experiences and resolving to do better from now on. 

The importance of forgiving yourself 

Being able to forgive yourself and resolve feelings of guilt and regret can do wonders for your mental health. Research shows that self-forgiveness helps ease symptoms and improve treatment outcomes for a wide range of mental health issues, including depression, alcohol use disorders, and anxiety.

The inability to forgive yourself may lower your mental well-being, potentially making symptoms worse or causing new mental health issues for you. Working on self-forgiveness isn’t quick or easy — but it’s an important step on your journey to better mental wellness. 

8 tips for dealing with guilt and regret 

You can’t go back and change the past. But you can take steps to manage any guilt or regret you’re feeling due to past mistakes. In the following sections, we’ll go over several tips to help you handle these emotions and forgive yourself. 

1.  Understand the root of your guilt and regret

You know that you’re experiencing these feelings, but it’s important to figure out why. Reflect on what happened to understand where these emotions are coming from. Think about what caused you to act that way and how you felt when it happened.

For example, you might have guilt and regret over saying something insulting or hurtful to a loved one. Consider what might have prompted you to say what you said and what was going through your head at the time. Think about how you felt during and after the incident. 

Getting to the root cause of guilt and regret gives you clarity and helps you better understand your actions and behaviors — and how they affect yourself and others. You can use these insights to focus on moving toward self-forgiveness and starting the healing process. 

2.  Take action to make amends (if possible)

Being able to make amends for past wrongs or hurtful behaviors can bring you closure and relief. Depending on what happened, this may not always be possible. For example, if you feel regret and guilt over wronging someone who you’re no longer in contact with, making amends might not be practical or appropriate. 

In some cases, making amends might mean opening up someone else’s old emotional wounds — potentially causing them pain again. Consider what happened and whether or not it’s appropriate for you to try to make amends.  

If you do move forward with making amends, offer a sincere apology for your past mistake or hurtful behavior. Avoid trying to justify what you did in any way. Instead, apologize and promise to work on doing better and learning from your errors. 

3.  Accept responsibility and make amends 

You can’t move past regret and learn to trust yourself again if you don’t take accountability. That involves accepting responsibility for your actions. Doing so is an emotionally mature way to handle guilt and regret instead of letting these emotions get the better of you. 

For example, if you’re having these feelings over betraying a loved one, start by accepting that you were responsible for what happened. Admit that to yourself and to your loved one to show that you’re accountable for your behavior. Make amends to them with a heartfelt apology for the incident and a commitment to avoid that hurtful behavior going forward. 

4.  Learn from the experience 

Mistakes that you make are learning experiences. They can be painful ones if they result in harm to someone in your life, but you can gain insights from them with some careful reflection. Think about past actions that have led to regret and guilt. 

What can you learn from them? Consider what you can do to prevent similar situations from occurring in the future. For example, if your temper has caused you to say hurtful things to loved ones in the past, you might work on managing your anger. 

5.  Practice self-compassion 

Remember that we all make mistakes — you’re not a bad person for doing so. Being hard on yourself or getting caught up in ongoing feelings of guilt and regret make it much harder to forgive yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding instead. 

Again, you can’t change past behaviors. But you can take steps to ensure that you don’t repeat them — and self-compassion is a key part of this. 

Practicing self-compassion can be difficult when you’re struggling with regret and guilt. It may help to consider what you would tell a friend or family member in a similar situation. Chances are, you would have kind and encouraging words for them. Work on giving yourself the same treatment. 

6.  Let go of perfectionism 

Self-criticism and self-blame often go hand in hand with regret and guilty feelings. While it’s important to work on doing better in the future, be careful not to set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Instead, accept your imperfections and practice being resilient if you face setbacks, such as repeating a harmful behavior. 

Being able to let go of perfectionism helps reduce self-criticism, making it easier for you to manage your expectations. If they end up being unrealistic, you can always adjust them accordingly and try again, but remember that growth and change aren’t always easy. 

7.  Cultivate a future-focused mindset

Dwelling on past mistakes can keep you from moving forward with self-forgiveness. Feelings of guilt and regret — and the mental health effects they cause — may get worse, preventing you from going through the healing process. 

Work on creating a mindset that’s focused on the present and future in order to foster growth and resilience. While past actions are beyond your control now, you can take control of your present and future actions — focusing on making better choices along the way. 

8.  Talk it out with a professional 

Dealing with guilt and regret on your own might not be enough to fully heal and forgive yourself. Reaching out to a mental health professional can provide the support and guidance you need. 

Therapists and counselors can help you explore unresolved feelings of regret and guilt through cognitive behavioral therapy or other methods. They offer a supportive and safe space for processing these emotions and working on your next steps toward improved mental health. 

SonderMind makes it simple to connect with a therapist for in-person or online therapy to manage guilt and regret and work on self-improvement. 

When is it time to seek mental health support?

Knowing when you should seek help for dealing with regret and guilt is important for your well-being and resilience. This proactive step can get you started on healing from these feelings and working on being able to forgive yourself. 

If your emotional struggles are beginning to affect your day-to-day life, relationships, or overall functioning, it’s likely time to seek support. Having this support can make a positive difference in your life, giving you the guidance needed to let go of guilt and regret.

Get professional support today with SonderMind  

The journey toward self-forgiveness isn’t an easy or quick one — but it’s well worth the time and effort it takes. Being able to forgive yourself helps prevent guilt and regret from overshadowing your life. The tips we’ve provided give you a great place to begin this path toward healing. 

SonderMind can also help you find guidance and mental health support along the way. We can connect you with a therapist or counselor who can help you build skills for managing guilt and regret. 

Get started with SonderMind today and begin your journey toward self-forgiveness.