Fatherhood Through the Fog: Parenting With Sleep Deprivation

When you become a parent, you know things are going to change. You expect the diapers, the midnight feedings, the chaos of routines and schedules. But what you might not expect—what no one really prepares you for—is the crushing anxiety, the sleep deprivation that turns days into survival marathons, and the way your identity, relationships, and mental health are all tested in ways you never imagined. After all, there’s a reason they say when someone is in a bad mood that they “woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

I’m the father to two young kids, now 4 and 6, but it’s only recently that I've started to feel like I can breathe again. The early years were anything but easy. Looking back, I realize just how deeply the lack of sleep affected everything—my moods, my connection with my wife, our ability to be present with our kids, and most of all, my mental health.

Coping with sleep deprivation

When babies don’t sleep, neither do parents. And when you go weeks or months (or, in my case, years)without consistent rest, your brain and body suffer. Sleep deprivation isn’t just about being tired; it’s a physiological and emotional drain that impacts every system in the body, especially the nervous system. I was constantly in a state of fight or flight. Small stressors felt overwhelming. Arguments escalated quickly. The anxiety was constant—a hum in the background that never fully went away.

I came across a CDC study that found that participants who averaged 6 hours or less of sleep per night were about 2.5 times more likely to have frequent mental distress when compared with those who slept more than 6 hours.

Some negative effects of sleep deprivation on mental health that I’ve experienced myself include:

• Increased irritability and mood swings
• Emotional dysregulation
• Impaired decision making
• Difficulty managing stress
• Reduced impulse control

It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been through it just how dark those periods can feel. There were days I’d lie in bed, knowing I only had 45 minutes before the next wake-up—days where I’d go through the motions, exhausted and disconnected. The lack of sleep compounded everything, and anxiety grew out of that exhaustion like a weed.

The persistent presence of anxiety

Even as your children grow and those sleepless infant nights become a distant memory, that persistent echo of parental anxiety can remain a familiar, unwelcome companion for many anxious parents. It might not always scream for attention as it did in the early days; perhaps it’s now a lower, more insidious hum beneath the surface of daily life. 

Yet, it's undeniably present—a subtle tightening in your chest when you contemplate their child development milestones, a knot of unease in your stomach as you grapple with pervasive worries about doing enough as a parent, or a shadow of future anxiety that can quietly creep in, clouding your thoughts about what lies ahead for them. 

The reality of parenting with anxiety is that the challenges don't simply vanish as kids get older; they transform. You might find yourself replaying school interactions, battling intrusive thoughts about their safety, or feeling that familiar surge of apprehension about their social lives and well-being. The weight of these ongoing parenting worries can feel isolating. 

But here’s a truth to hold onto: while the instinct to worry may linger, how you navigate this parental stress and manage anxiety as a parent can profoundly change. For many, unlocking healthier coping strategies and gaining invaluable perspective through therapy for anxious parents has been the key to turning down the volume on that anxiety and finding a more peaceful way forward.

How therapy helped a pair of  sleep-deprived parents find balance

One of the best decisions I've made as a father and a partner was to start therapy. It came at a time when I was stretched too thin, emotionally raw, and desperate for some kind of anchor. SonderMind made the process of finding a qualified therapist so much easier and more accessible. I was matched with someone who understood the emotional toll of parenting and who helped us create space in our lives to take care of ourselves again.

My therapist didn’t just listen; she equipped me with real tools for managing anxiety, navigating conflict as a couple, setting boundaries, and identifying the patterns that were keeping us stuck in cycles of stress and burnout. During especially high-stress periods — like the transition back to work, or the chaos of the preschool years — therapy was the one place I could go to be honest, vulnerable, and safe.

What’s unique about the SonderMind experience is that it brings mental health care into reach for busy parents who don’t have time to dig through directories and waitlists. I needed help, fast, and SonderMind delivered.

Diversify your emotional outlets

In addition to therapy, I slowly began to rebuild other pillars of support:

• Exercise became more than just physical movement — it was a mental reset. Even a quick jog or a 20-minute yoga session helped us release tension and ground ourselves.
• Family support became crucial. I learned how to ask for help — something that didn’t come naturally at first. Whether it was a grandparent stepping in for a night or a friend watching the kids for an hour, those moments gave us the breathing room I needed.
• And perhaps most importantly, I learned to talk honestly with my wife and with other parents. Sharing the truth about our struggles opened doors to deeper connection and healing.
  
   

Kids get older, but parenting doesn’t get easier 

Today, life looks different. Our kids are more independent. I sleep most nights. I can plan family outings without feeling like I’m dragging myself through them. The anxiety is still present—parenting is still full of unknowns—but it no longer rules us.

I know the next stage won’t be easier, just different. Puberty is around the corner, and with it will come emotional ups and downs, questions about identity, body changes, peer pressure, and the push for more independence. I’m beginning to navigate deeper conversations—about boundaries, relationships, mental health, and what it means to grow into yourself in today’s world. These years will stretch us in new ways as parents, demanding more patience, better communication, and a deeper understanding of what our kids need—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.

But I also feel more prepared than I once did. I've learned to regulate our own reactions, to pause before responding, to listen more than I speak. I know the value of modeling emotional resilience. And I've learned that taking care of my mental health isn’t optional—it’s essential if you’re still in therapy. Not because we’re in crisis, but because I value what it brings: insight, stability, and a reminder that our well-being matters, too. Therapy through SonderMind made it possible for us to prioritize mental health in a way that fits our lives, even as they continue to evolve.

 

To the parents in the thick of it

If you're reading this in the middle of a sleepless night or after a day that felt impossibly hard, know this: you're not broken. You're exhausted, and you're doing the most challenging job there is. You deserve support. You deserve rest. You deserve healing. And therapy might feel like just another thing to add to the to-do list, but it's so much more than that. You deserve not only to survive, but to thrive in fatherhood.

Whether it’s through SonderMind, a trusted therapist, a support group, or just reaching out to a friend, take that first step. Things can get easier. The fog lifts. The nights stretch out. And you might even find yourself laughing again in a way you haven’t in years. Parenthood is a journey, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way.