How I’m Parenting with Anxiety

The whisper started early for me. It was anxiety—a quiet, constant presence that sometimes got louder (especially with a lack of sleep) turning into a rush of racing thoughts and what-ifs. When I became a parent, that whisper didn’t just stay in my head. It started showing up in how I responded to my kids.

Now I see it in them sometimes. A missed goal at soccer. A friend’s offhand comment. The nerves before the first day of school. These moments might seem small, but to me, they feel familiar—like early signs of the same feelings I’ve been managing for as long as I can remember.

My instinct is to protect them. To fix things. To make it all better. But even though I’m working on parenting with anxiety, I’ve realized that what they need most isn’t for me to make things perfect; it’s for me to help them handle the hard stuff. I want to give them the tools I wish I’d had. Not to take away every worry, but to help them learn how to live with it, so those quiet whispers don’t take over.

Worry is part of the job

I think all parents worry, but when you live with anxiety yourself, the worry can go into overdrive and might manifest as the constant fear of something bad happening to your child. I worry about their health, their confidence, whether they feel safe at school, whether they’ll make good friends, and how they’ll handle the world as they grow up. And with everything kids face today—social media, intense news cycles, scary world events—it feels like parenting with anxiety is just par for the course. 

That kind of constant worry used to feel like something I just had to carry on my own. But working with a therapist through SonderMind has helped me start untangling that. I’m realizing that being a good parent doesn’t mean shielding kids from every challenge. It means helping them build resilience—and that starts with how I manage my anxiety.

What therapy has helped me learn about parenting with anxiety

One of the most valuable things I’ve introduced in therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It’s helped me recognize patterns in my thinking, especially the catastrophizing and the spiraling thoughts that come with parenting an anxious brain. I’ve learned to catch those “what if” thoughts before they run away with me, and that’s been a big shift.

I’ve also been exploring tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), especially the focus on staying present and recognizing that two contradictory truths can be true at once. It’s been surprisingly helpful—not just for me, but for how I respond to my kids. When I can slow down and model calm, it gives them space to do the same.

What I’m trying at home

I’m still figuring it out, but here’s what I’m focusing on while I learn more about parenting with anxiety:

1. Normalize the feeling
I talk to my son about anxiety like it’s a regular part of life. I’ll say things like, “It’s okay to feel nervous before trying something new. I do too.” I want him to know that feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean something is wrong with him.

2. Use simple tools together
We’ve been trying a few things that help him feel more in control:

• Deep breathing, like blowing up pretend balloons
• “Smell the flower, blow the candle,” breath work
• Naming what he’s feeling and where he feels it in his body

These tools may seem small, but for a 6-year-old, they’re powerful. They create a sense of agency.

3. Notice the quiet signs
Kids don’t always come out and say they’re anxious. It might show up as being grumpy, avoiding something they used to love, or suddenly saying their stomach hurts. I’m learning to pause and look beneath the surface.

Letting go as they grow

One thing I’ve been talking about in therapy is how parenting changes as kids get older. When they’re little, we’re in control of almost everything—what they eat, who they see, how their day goes. But as they grow, we start to lose that control. Their friends, their teachers, and their environments begin to shape them just as much as we do, sometimes even more.

That’s hard for someone like me, who is chronically parenting with anxiety and wants to protect their children. But I’m learning that the best thing I can do isn’t to control every part of their world. It’s to give them tools to navigate it on their own. And then, to trust that they’ll use those tools—even if it takes time.

The world is heavy for our kids

Our kids are growing up with things we didn’t have to deal with: constant social media, overwhelming global news, school safety concerns, and climate anxiety. They’re exposed to so much more, and they don’t always have the emotional capacity to make sense of it.

That’s why I think teaching emotional skills now is more important than ever. It’s not just about coping. It’s about helping them develop inner strength. Things like CBT and DBT aren’t just therapy tools—they’re life tools. And if we can start using them with our kids early, maybe we can help them feel a little steadier in an unsteady world.

The power of being present as an antidote to parenting with anxiety

One of the biggest lessons I’m still working on is the idea of being truly present. For someone with anxiety, the mind is always in two places at once: the present moment and the imagined future full of “what-ifs.” When I’m playing with my kids, a part of my brain is often running a background check on potential dangers—Is the tree swing too high? What if they fall off that playground equipment? Will they be okay walking home from a friend's house in a few years?

This mental multitasking steals from the joy of the moment. I've been practicing a technique from DBT called "mindfulness of the moment." It's a simple idea: pay attention to what's happening right now. I try to focus on the small details—the sound of their laughter, the feeling of their hand in mine, the vibrant color of a leaf we just picked up. 

When a "what-if" thought sneaks in, I acknowledge it without judgment and gently redirect my focus back to the present. This practice isn't about eliminating worry, but about creating space between the anxious thought and my reaction to it. It’s a powerful tool in my journey of parenting with anxiety because it helps me respond to my kids with calmness rather than fear.

I’m still learning about parenting with anxiety

I’m not a parenting expert. I’m just a dad trying to show up, trying to do better, and trying not to let my anxiety run the show. I’m learning how much my actions, energy, and presence shape the environment my kids live in. And I’m learning to be more intentional, more reflective, and more compassionate—with them and with myself.

If you’re a parent who struggles with anxiety, too, you’re not alone. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to care enough to keep learning—and that’s precisely what I’m trying to do.